American Horror Story: The Real Coven: Washington DC

 This is a day of celebration with family and loved ones to exchange gifts and exercise good will to all men. Next week we usher 2013 out and welcome 2014 with the hope of better things to come. It's nice to have a break from all the Washington craziness. However, it will be a brief reprieve before it's the New Year same old stuff in DC.

This Christmas has been a day of reflection of holidays and politics from the past. As Chris Matthews puts it (I am paraphrasing) when Washington worked and people from opposite sides of the aisle came together for the good of the American people. I can't blame him for writing books about the past, we needed a walk down memory lane. I took a personal walk that began when I was 10.

I first heard the term “Welfare Queens” in 1976 in elementary school. The country was celebrating its bicentennial. It was a banner year for kids in elementary school. All of our school photos were taken with the Liberty Bell. I love history. I studied the American Revolution with great zest. As a ten ear-old the term “welfare queen” confused me. Both America and France fought revolution to escape the tyranny of life ruled by a monarchy, there was a clear line of delineation between the monarchs, aristocracy and everyone else. Therefore “welfare queen” was an oxymoron to me although it apparently served as a great sound bite and political arrow to pull from a quill.

            I was raised around a very politically astute family. Some argue my political views are jaded as many of my relatives were and still are card carrying members of the N.A.A.C. P. While true, they believed in arguing and discussing the facts regardless of race, creed or political party. My paternal side has roots in Genoa Italy and my maternal side has roots in England and Ireland, which allowed them  a certain level of impartiality though my mother’s family lived in the Jim Crow South. When I posed the question, my father would have given me the answer but off to the library I went. God love the Dewey Decimal System. Through research I discovered the term was coined by then California Governor Ronald Reagan during his first presidential run about women who’d committed welfare fraud.

            These welfare queens women operated with impunity, used numerous names, addresses, social security numbers, received veteran’s benefits from fictional dead husbands, used food stamps, Medicaid and collected a tax free income in excess of 100,000.00. For reasons I’m still unsure of all of these women were African American, lived on the South Side of Chicago and drove Cadillacs.

                At the time a Department of Social Services was about minutes from my house. I never saw 1 Cadillac in the parking lot. African Americans were painted with broad stroke to polarize the electorate and sow the seeds of discontent over federally and state funded social programs designed to help needy people. The number of regular folks who commit welfare fraud only make up a small fraction of people on welfare/public assistance but why let facts get in the way of a good wedge issue.

            It’s been 37 years and I’m left to wonder if Washington is in the United States or another galaxy. I lean toward the latter. After a collapse not seen since the Great Depression, the face of the stereotypical recipient has lightened in color and hit the middle class. People who never guessed in a million years they’d need unemployment benefits, SNAP, Social Security and Medicaid need help.  Now a certain faction in the House didn’t extend unemployment benefits, characterizing the help as a deterrent to look for a job. They are the Emperors of Unemployment perched on their sofa/throne watching television and waiting for their benefit checks which is half what they made when they worked and brought home a paycheck. If anything, they are more motivated to find work to pay the bills and maintain a place to live and put food on the table. It’s obvious this political faction hasn’t been in a grocery store in years and wouldn’t know how to use a coupon if it bit them in the posterior.

            Politicians who boldly espouse ideas on how children who get free lunch should also be part-time janitors to earn their lunch money should look in the mirror. The only place where receiving checks without doing any real work is the 113^th Congress. In fact, they’re is on track to become the least productive Congress in history. Although you might say given their current record, they’re experts on lazy people collecting checks. My great grandmother would say if you don’t work, you don’t eat. If only we could tie Congress’ pay to their productivity. There were no social programs for my great grandmother as a widow with 8 children before the New Deal. She scraped by in order to take care of her family and her older children pitched in. When the New Deal became a reality, she had avenues to turn to for help and not one of her children developed a dependency on social programs.

            The same politicians who want to attack government social programs benefited from the New Deal. Very few families had money during the Great Depression. Once wealthy families became destitute overnight. There was no safety net. If these politicians look back a couple of generations, they’d see their families benefited from the safety net to get back on their feet. However, it seems that once they were upright, they suddenly developed social program amnesia and passed it like a family trait based on DNA. For God’s sake they shut the government down for 2 weeks and cost Americans 25 billion dollars.

I am a New York liberal and progressive Democrat. As much as I support President Obama, I have to call him on the carpet for capitulating in situations where he clearly had a mandate from the country to move us in the right direction. We reelected him for a second term. If that doesn’t give him the gravitas he needs nothing will.

As for the political Tea Party it is devoid of etiquette, kindness, manners and good sense. Their views on America should send them to a tea party in Alice in Wonderland’s as most of what they say is fictional and belongs in a rabbit hole.

The idea of putting down American citizens as lazy and shiftless looking for government handouts is shameful. Considering the amount of corporate welfare handed out. Corporate welfare is defined as financial aid, such as a subsidy or tax break, provided by a government to corporations or other businesses. If politicians persist in calling SNAP recipients and the unemployed as takers, they should be prepared to corral all the takers. However, unlike the mythical welfare queen and emperors of unemployment, we can trot out real life examples of corporate welfare in the form of tax breaks and private jets just to name a few Cadillac like perks.

So Washington take note. We are done with a capital D. Stop the stereotyping and name calling. You weren’t elected to play games in the Capitol building. You were elected/hired by us to work and like any good employer who notes employees who slack off on the job, we’ll hand you your pink slips in November regardless of the unconscionable thing done to the Voter’s Right Act. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Remember that. We will. 

The American Dream: Is it time to remember to let others share in the dream beyond the season of giving?

As I inch closer to the AARP grid, I can’t help but reflect on what celebrity, politics and pop culture looked like when I was growing up. Breaking into anything required hard work and took time. Some were lucky and didn’t have to work so hard. While others paid their dues to earn a place in their chosen field. The common goal was getting their heavenly slice of the American dream and leave  enough for the next dreamer.

                Now it seems we’ve forgotten what it means to share and let others get a piece of pie. I remember when models made the covers of magazines and were in commercial and editorial spreads. Models have been replaced by some award winning and A-list actresses in print and commercials for hair products, makeup and more. I am beginning to think that perhaps we’re being too hard on skinny models. They may not be skinny by choice as more of them are competing for fewer opportunities.

                Then there are the artists. Whether it’s music, writing, painting, photography, culinary or fashion, people who have spent years honing their craft are being eclipsed by celebrities. Not 15 years ago, Kathie Lee Gifford, Jacklyn Smith and a few other celebrities had clothing lines in Kmart but now Nikki Minaj, Miley Cyrus, Jennifer Lopez, Jay-Z and Sean Combs are in your local department stores next to Michael Kors, Kenneth Cole, Ralph Lauren and Liz Claiborne. Though they've attained their goal the rush to diversification is squeezing the men and women trying to climb the mountain to reach their dream for a better life doing what they love harder to reach.

                I am not that religious but in a country that talks about God, Jesus, sacrifice and good will to all men it seems hypocritical to cut others off when you’ve got yours and then some. We see it in Washington when elected officials fight for people who have plenty of money and want to find ways to keep more of it while putting the burden on the middle class and taking funding away from people in need. People on unemployment aren’t at home watching soaps waiting for a check that’s half of what they made when they worked. They are looking for jobs. SNAP recipients aren’t eating filet mignon on 180.00 a month, but they cut that too. What I find ironic is in about 3 weeks a deluge of ads for weight loss programs, gyms and nutritional supplements will be upon us. However those who receive less than 200.00 a month in SNAP benefits know they can't afford to buy the healthy stuff for their families and stretch their pantries out for a month. Instead they're faced with the over processed, sugar, sodium and fat loaded food in the store. Yet with the loopholes for the rich to get richer, they can afford to be healthier with organic fresh vegetables, gluten free, low sodium, high protein foods to benefit their bodies while regular folks try to buy just enough of the healthy stuff and still pay their electric and heating bills.

                This isn’t a case of sour grapes. I applaud people who were committed to make their dreams of being a singer, dancer, professional athlete, actor, author, model, chef, radio host, television host, news reporter and even those who aspired to be politicians. The list is too numerous to go on. A story comes to mind but I’m not sure if this is a Hollywood myth or not. Wil Smith and his father just as his star truly began to rise. Apparently he was proudly showing his father all the great cars he bought that he loved as a kid from Philadelphia. While I am sure his father was indeed proud of him he asked “Just how many asses do you have?” It made me chuckle but it gave me food for thought. Just how much is too much? I’m sure the celebrities with clothing lines, perfumes and the like were approached by companies who wanted to use their celebrity to sell whatever but when do you say no? Someone moved over to give them room at the table. Why can’t they do the same? I know of so many talented singers, models, dancers, stylists, designers, song writers and authors who can’t get a shot at showing the world their talent. I know there are ways to do it online. Post something to You Tube and hope you go viral. The problem is everyone is trying to go viral. You can pay someone to help you with PR but that costs quite a bit of money. If you’re like me with over 4,000.00 in medication costs monthly due to MS it's a check I can't write.

                The 1^st anniversary of Newtown tomorrow gave me pause to sit down and write this blog. Those precious lives young and old won’t be at the table to get their piece of the American dream. We don’t know how many would have gone on to become doctors, lawyers, vets, singers, nurses, researchers, artists, chefs, authors, designers, Congressman, Senators or even a future President of the United States. It’s the dreams left unwritten that saddens and yet empowers me to press forward as an author and writer until I get a slice of the American dream.It's funny that I'm not talking about a quarter slice, most would take less than an eighth and be satisfied.  Moreover, I hope for the day when I’m able to pay it forward.

                In the end it’s about our humanity. I believe those living the dream are sharing it with family, donating their time and money to charitable causes. They head out on the stump to support politicians who reflect their values. At the end of the day if you can close your eyes knowing you've taken care of your family and future generations it's time to pass the baton and give someone who works hard a chance to do it too.

Post Memorial Day Reflections and Realizations

This Memorial Day, I happily watched my sons man the grill, enjoyed the sun and the spring breeze. There were the traditional parades, national ceremonies in Washington D.C. and a lot of great television programs about wars past and present, I always feel that we miss the point of the holiday and are more concerned with our menu, libations and games. I’m not a wet blanket. I believe you should spend your day off any way you’d like to. However I would like us to take a little time out to remember the sacrifices our servicemen/servicewomen and their families made in the past and continue to make everyday. Goodness knows they deserve it. 

For some reason this Memorial Day I found myself thinking about our government on the whole. I went back over the last month’s worth of headlines to gauge just how dysfunctional and vitriolic our democracy has become. Naturally, we blame the politicians but I’m sorry to say that we have to shoulder some of the blame for just how crazy Washington politics have become. We can’t lay the blame on the right wing or left-wing, conservatives, liberals, Republicans, Independents or Democrats. Believe it or not this is completely non-partisan. The fact is we are suffering a national case of selective ADD. At this moment there are a lot of things going on in the government that we aren’t paying attention to despite Fox and MSNBC’s constant biased loops. To be fair, Fox has a host that seems to break away from their usual formula. MSNBC has programs and hosts that truly bring in varying and often opposing views. Yet the overall focus of the current “scandals” with the exception of the AP issue (I am a writer after all) is on things that don’t affect the American public. Now I know you’re thinking what about the IRS? Isn’t that something I should worry about? The actual number of regular folks that get audited is rather small considering the number of returns that are filed yearly. This IRS flap has to do with social welfare groups being scrutinized because they get a tax exemption on the money they raise under 501 (c) 4. Was it wrong to target conservative groups? Yes. Although the groups in question didn’t raise enormous amounts of tax exempt money other groups like them have. The problem is this money is supposed to further social education. Yet many of the larger groups (conservative and liberal) have distinct political agendas to further. Whether you’re a Democrat or Republican it should give you pause. Once you’ve filed your taxes or applied for an exemption or earned income credit both you and your accountant qualify to be an acrobat for Cirque du Soleil for all the twisting and turning you had to go through. 

The deficit has decreased and people in D.C still want to cut essential programs. In fact, they are cutting them as I write. Why isn’t anyone paying attention? Stand on any checkout line and you will get your answer. Snooki has a smoking hot post baby body. Kim Khardashian is upset that her feet are fat and she’s gained weight as a pregnant, recent divorcée. One of the teen moms did a sex tape for 1.5 million dollars. Katie Holmes is getting too skinny because she’s scared of Tom Cruise’s influence on their daughter. Naturally she is one of a few scary skinny celebrities. I didn’t have to turn on the television to get this information. I read it in line. Though it’s true I could get the same information watching the scroll on the bottom of the news broadcast. We are more interested in reality television personalities than we are in our lives and the things that can actually affect how we live. Don't get me wrong, I believe the movies saved so many people during the Great Depression. It gave them the chance to escape from the harsh reality of their lives. The truth is reality still bites and we do need a diversion. Entertainment isn't the problem.In fact, its doing its job quite well.

That said, having our attention diverted is different from being in a coma. If you love the Real Housewives, watch it without shame.

 

This isn't a fire and brimstone condemnation of our society's "guilty pleasures" (I know you hate that term Michael) After all, I’m a wedding and romance author. There is nothing I like more than writing books for readers to escape and enjoy on a park bench or at the beach. I think we should exercise the freedom our military has protected for us and if that means watching Big Brother, The Voice, Duck Dynasty, Dance Moms or reading the latest Harlequin, Cromwell, Patterson or Grisham then have at it. John Lennon said “Whatever gets you through the night. It’s all right.” I only ask that we devote as much attention to the real drama in the world as we do the latest television cat fight, NBA playoff game, French Open, US Open and The Hangover Part Three.

My boyfriend, Michael B is an intellectual. He loves to read. He cannot stand reality television. He’s not alone; my father doesn’t like it either. However, both are sports lovers and delight in political and current event debates. It gets them through the night so it’s all right. They’re demonstrating the true meaning of what it takes to be fair and balanced in real life.

Reality Television with women over 40:It's our Second Act with a soft script and plenty of cameras

If you are north of forty like me, you grew up with scripted sitcoms and dramatic television shows. I recall the days when our friends would gather at the back fence to discuss what just happened on General Hospital in the Luke and Laura days. Once the commercials were over, we raced back inside determined not to miss a word.

I'm a part of the MTV generation when it actually aired music videos. I remember all the excitement when the network announced a new show called The Real World. Back then I followed the show for a few installments before real life got in the way. At the time reality programming was the exception and not the rule. Boy have times changed.

When Bravo's Real Housewives of Orange County show proved to be successful it wasn't long before we had several incarnations from New York City, New Jersey, Atlanta, Miami and Beverly Hills. Something about the shows brought out the voyeur in all of us. Technically the shows were noble in their concept. They wanted women to see and aspire to be like the successful women on the show. Unfortunately I've learned the road to hell really is paved with good intentions.

I decided to add this aspect to my blog not as a way to downgrade the women who are on the show. I am not one who knocks anyone's hustle. However, whether it's editing or not, a number of these ladies are not portrayed in a positive light. By the way, I'm including Big Rich Texas, Big Rich Atlanta and Love and Hip Hop.

A few years ago, I worked with a production company to do a wedding show. At the time Down That Aisle In Style A Wedding Guide For Full Figured Women had just been released. I made the rounds with very experienced and Emmy award winning producers. The idea was a show about curvy brides and how to find the right gown for their wedding while giving the audience a peek into their lives and loves as full figured women. The networks loved the idea but they heard the term full figured and it was translated as fat. I was ahead of the curve considering the number of wedding shows on television today. It's all in the timing. It was much more fun to have crazy out of control brides hamming it up on television for 15 minutes and a paid honeymoon.

Generally, I like the women of the Real Housewives. Nevertheless, I can't help but notice how reality television fame has changed them.  I feel Ne Ne Leakes from Atlanta was an instant hit because she was a woman the audience related to and her sayings and frankness endeared her to many. As for Vicki Gunvalson, I like that she's an independent business women. She clearly understands what it takes to be successful on a professional level. However, she can say it all day but I don't think her love tank is full. If her daughter brought a man home similar to the one Vicki is dating there is no way she'd sit still for that. I truly feel that once we get older, we ignore the same signs that would have sent us running fifteen years ago because we don't want to be alone.

I used Ne Ne and Vicki for reasons as they are two ends of the spectrum.When Ne Ne felt that Greg wasn't treating her the way he should, she divorced him. Now they are getting married again on Bravo in the fall and it seems to be a reaffirmation that love indeed does cover a multitude of sins. On the other hand, Vicki is with a man her daughter clearly doesn't like or trust. Brianna has stated that she, her husband and child would find their own place so Vicki can date as she likes. Vicki has stated that she's never been without a man in her life. I would submit that some Vicki time might do her some good. Her happiness shouldn't depend on whether or not she has a boyfriend or not. Her true happiness depends on Vicki.

Now for the south of forty women in the O. C., Alexis should probably think twice before she uses the word bully again. According to Webster dictionary a bully is a blustering browbeating person
or one who is habitually cruel to others who are weaker. I don't believe the women were bullying her in Costa Rica. Alexis isn't a weak person. The women pointed out how people may perceive her when she talked about the things she has.I looked at it as if she had a piece of spinach or lipstick on her teeth. A friend will alert you to the situation so you don't spend the whole evening with spinach stuck in your teeth.  The latest Orange County season has yet to run its course but I am sure there is a lot of drama ahead.

These reality shows have allowed a number of women to promote businesses, land endorsement deals, get book deals and get their own shows (daytime talk and spinoffs). I can't help but think of at what price glory?

I'll be tuning in to see what's happening in reality television. Although, I won't blog on a daily basis, I will pop up from time to time to share my musings about the show.

Body Image: Fear and Loathing at the Checkout Counter

Every now and then when I pass a newsstand with women’s magazines, I feel a twinge of envy. I’m from the age when my favorite magazines focused on fashion, beauty, career, relationships and the latest exercise craze and diet. Now they include curvy women in fashion editorials and even explore the negative and positive side of body image. Marie Claire offers practical and fashionable advice with Big Girls in a Skinny World. Glamour’s real everyday women fashion photo spread includes curvy women. Even the High Priestess of Praying Mantis Fashion, Anna Wintour, throws a curvy model (their version) into an issue or two of Vogue.

However, my envy quickly dissipates once I lay eyes on the tabloid magazines with glossy cover images of celebrities and eye catching headlines. Today’s tabloids are a mix of celebrities, fashion, movies/music/television and plenty of gossip. Years ago men like my boyfriend feared conversations based on relationship article and tests their girlfriends or wives read in a woman’s magazine. Hey guys for the most part you’re off the hook. Nevertheless, you’ll still hear “we have to talk” on occasion. After all we’re still women and we love to talk about the state of our relationship. Unfortunately, “Does this fill in the blank make my butt look big?” has gone from a grenade to a minefield.

Traditional women’s fashion magazines are published monthly. The tabloids are published weekly and they are constantly shifting focus. One week, Guiliana Rancic is on the cover with the “scary skinny” caption. A week later, she’s the paragon of health and fitness. Reese Witherspoon graced a cover for her post baby body. A couple of weeks later, she’s at a spa to get rid of stubborn baby weight.

Kim Khardashian is pregnant. I’ve lost count of the number of magazines that are focused on her expanding waistline along with a current (baby bump) and pre-baby (bikini) photo. Another photo showed pregnant Kim in front of a gym with a caption that referred to a fear of getting fat. She is pregnant, right? She’s literally eating for two. She is supposed to gain weight. On a fashion note, Kim isn’t helping her cause. For God’s sake buy some maternity clothes! On a personal note at least maternity wear is fashionable now. I was pregnant in the eighties when the maternity section was basically versions of burlap sacks and house frau mu-mus with flowers or stripes. I burned my maternity clothes about a week after I had my sons. Now that I got that off my chest, is it any wonder that we have six year old girls that are afraid of getting fat?

We live in a country where generally bigger is considered better. Employees want big pay raises and promotions. Directors, producers and actors want big box office or big ratings. Businesses want big profits. Conversely, we are also a nation of extremes. There are shows that promote healthy cooking and shows based around bacon.  Television weight loss programs like The Biggest Loser and Dancing with the Stars which in my opinion is code for The Biggest Loser: The Celebrity Spandex and Sequins Edition. There’s a reason there are so many ads for antidepressants. 

I have nothing against making changes to live a healthier life. I think it’s necessary to eat well, exercise and get enough rest. I’m a cancer survivor with secondary progressive MS and Celiac disease. I get it. I’ve seen the statistics for obesity in America. I understand the correlation to health care costs. Nevertheless, why aren’t we just as concerned with being emotionally healthy when it comes to body image?

You have to get down to the root cause for why people overeat. For women it’s the message we get every time we pick up a magazine or glance at a tabloid. Perhaps it's time we reflect on the saying,  Physician Heal Thyself and apply it to our lives.

One must conclude that body image issues must be addressed from the inside out. If a healthy balance is achieved,  we’ll become tabloid bullet proof. However, celebrities, I am sorry to say that it won't stop the people who love gossip about plastic surgery or the latest secret romance or break up.  My boyfriend, Michael hates this saying but in this case it’s apropos, tabloids are considered a guilty pleasure. At the very least, I hope to put an end to body guilt

Weight Loss Obsession: Stop Before You Make Another Resolution

It’s the holiday season. The newsstands are filled with magazines with holiday entrées and cookie recipes. People arrive to visit bearing homemade treats, wines and spirits. Then there are the countless office holiday parties with a veritable feast for employee’s eyes and stomachs.

            Most of us go into the holiday season with our minds set on not overindulging. Some of us win that battle while others decide Carpe Diem and head straight for the chocolate fountain. We’re all aware of the obesity rate here in the United States and how it’s affected more than just our physical health; it affects our economy in terms of what money is spent for healthcare for diseases like Type 2 diabetes, hypertension and heart disease to name a few.

            I live with several conditions. I have MS, Celiac disease and hypertension. I am very conscious about what I eat but I am still a curvy woman. Yet I don’t belong to any weight loss program regardless of how many times I’ve seen their television ads. I subscribe to something called moderation combined with a gluten free diet due to Celiac disease.

            We are only a few weeks away from New Year’s Eve when everyone makes their resolutions and you can be sure that weight loss will be at the top of the list overall. By January 2^nd all those weight loss ads will triple in air time and all those celebrities who embraced their curves in December will have been courted by a weight loss program or product to trim those curves they loved so much before Christmas. Then when we’ve been on the edge of our seats (or sometime around the fourth to sixth commercial) we’ll have the inevitable and magical reveal of their newly trim physiques. We have so much to look forward to.

            The reason I decided to write about this wasn’t to bash weight loss. I realize the importance of good health. I am just a little tired of the weight loss industry. It’s basically a business that in reality is based on more failure than success. A study led by UCLA associate professor of psychology Traci Mann, and reported in the American Psychologist in 2007, the journal of the American Psychological Association, essentially reported that the initial 5 to 10 percent of weight loss on any number of diets is eventually regained.

           

MSNBC followed up on contestants from several seasons of The Biggest Loser to see how they were doing after the finale. Some contestants kept most of the weight off with only minor fluctuations from their finale weigh in. However, most seemed to have gained the weight back and a few did that and then some. We have to take into account the fact that the way their weight loss was achieved was atypical. They had access to a nutritionist, personal trainers and the greatest motivator outside of getting healthy; there was a great big cash carrot at the end for the most weight lost.

Now that I’m north of forty plus, I wondered if I could use some of this wisdom that’s supposed to come with age to argue for a healthy, balanced approach to living well and not succumbing to a great sales pitch and sexy, slim celebrities and fabulous everyday people who lost weight and magically solved all their problems. The truth is weight can be a vicious cycle. Yo-yo dieting is worse than not dieting at all. Our bodies can only take so much and as we get older it take less and less.

Therefore, I say instead of making the standard resolution to lose fifty pounds before the first crocus peeks through the ground, set realistic goals you can live with and not eventually fight against. For example, if you live in a temperate climate begin with a 15 minute walk. If you live in a colder climate dust off the treadmill or other exercise equipment and do 15 minutes.

In terms of food unless you have an underlying condition and even if you don’t see your doctor and talk about what works for you. Together you can come up with something that makes the both of you happy. I’m lucky. My doctor knows that my hypertension is genetic. I am not and have never been a salt lover. I take medication and watch my diet. Diabetes runs in my family so I watch my carbohydrate intake. All of this is a lot of work but the first step is always the hardest.

By no means am I a skinny girl. I am a curvy woman and I’ve embraced it. I decided that I wanted to live life in the middle (moderation) lane. I won’t say that I don’t indulge now and then but what’s life without a least a trip or two to the chocolate fountain. Enjoy!

Happy Holidays