The Pressure to stay thin from Mom-shells to Cougar – Shells

I usually reserve my mornings to write, catch up on business, see what happened in the news overnight and naturally listen to Sports Center courtesy of my sons. However, there came a point during the second half of Good Morning America that I tuned in for. ABC correspondent Amy Robach did a segment entitled Celebrity 'Momshells' Pressured to Look Perfect After Giving Birth and my ears perked up. 
We are a country obsessed with celebrity. Paparazzi lay in wait for the first baby bump showing when an actress becomes pregnant. Then those same photographers snap as many photos of the actresses post-baby bodies to see how fast or slow they lose the baby weight. Janice Min, former editor of US Weekly was one of the culprits responsible for the proliferation of perfect post baby bodies that graced their covers. Instead of making new moms feel better, it made them feel worse. Pregnancy lasts for nine months and during that time doctors are careful to remind you that even though prenatal vitamins provide necessary nutrients for both mom and baby there is no substitute for good, healthy eating. 

Conversely, there is no substitute for healthy weight loss. Many of the stars we laud have access to things most new moms don’t. They have personal trainers, chefs, nannies, housekeepers, drivers and the money to afford it. I’m always tickled when these same stars are asked how they are able to balance work and motherhood. Even B-list actresses make enough money from a couple of movies and television appearances than some women make in a year. 

When I had my twins twenty five years ago, I gained 29 pounds. I wasn’t trying to starve myself so I could snap my body back into shape. I had morning sickness all day until I was six months pregnant. Then it was discovered that my sons thought my uterus had bucket seats like a sports car. So there they were side by side on the sonogram. Ultimately I had a C-section but my abdominal muscles became the Hatfields and McCoys. No matter how many sit ups, crunches and machines I bought my stomach didn’t budge. Finally my doctor said the only way I would get a flat belly would be through surgery. I have a hard time getting my insurance which I pay for to cover my MS medications, I don’t think they’ll sign off on a tummy tuck to make me feel better. 

Then we have the flip side of the coin. It’s the pressure to be a Cougar-shell. Women who are over forty with the bodies of twenty somethings like Madonna, Demi Moore, Helen Mirren, Julianne Moore, Kelly Ripa and Halle Berry to name a few. Though we are in our sexual prime in our forties, fifties and sixties (Yay for us!), the truth is other things are in decline, mainly our metabolism. Now before you doctors and personal trainers go all nuclear because of the obesity crisis in this country, it is the truth. In order for us to raise our metabolism, we’d have to exercise anywhere from three to five hours a day. This sounds completely doable as long as you can afford it. Unfortunately, a lot of us are lucky to get to the gym twice a week. While the message is about getting healthy and reducing your risk for diabetes, hypertension and heart disease, the underlying subtext is being thin is the goal. I have MS, which is an autoimmune disease like diabetes, Lupus and epilepsy. One of the treatments I've undergone involves steroids, which I hate. On steroids it doesn’t matter whether you eat Twinkies or salads all day, you still look bloated. I do my best to avoid this course of treatment whenever possible. 

All of this makes sense in my head but I still feel like a failure because I don’t look like Halle Berry in a swimsuit and I know I’m not alone. I was happy to see Good Morning America shine a light on this subject and maybe if it can help one woman come to terms with her body and use a healthy approach to weight loss in the long run she’ll be a better and happier mother. Here’s to the continuation of hope.

A Tale Of Two Novelists

There probably isn’t a person out there that hasn’t thought about writing the American novel based on their lives or based on a character that’s a composite of the many personalities they’ve met along the way in life. I will tell you that there is nothing more satisfying than sitting in front of your computer and typing out the first few words that eventually turn into what you hope to be a dynamite, attention grabbing introduction. For Herman Melville’s Moby Dick it was “Call me Ishmael.” Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities was ‘It was the best of time, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.'

It’s the type of greatness, writers dream of and aspire to attain. I am one of those writers. Though I’d never consider my writing to be in Dickens or even Jane Austen’s league, I am an actual author and novelist albeit an accidental one. Growing up, I didn’t read the traditional bodice ripping romances. I found romance in Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma and The Age of Innocence. Therefore, it was a bit of a surprise to me when I felt compelled to write Not His Type. The story came to me after I watched a New York Yankees game. Before you heap all the not so nice adjectives about the best baseball team in the world, in my humble opinion, I am a life long Yankees’ fan a tradition proudly handed down to me from my great grandfather, Hannibal Donadelle, a man I’d never seen until my beloved cousin Ernie posted a photo of him from his entrance into this country on June 30 1918 at the age of 24, which means he was born a year before Babe Ruth. By the time he came to New York, Babe Ruth was in pinstripes.

 I digress. I wrote Not His Type based on my harmless crush on Derek Jeter. I’m older than Mr. Jeter, so I waited until he turned thirty before I allowed my crush out of the gate. Like many New Yorkers and other gossip readers, I read about the parade of lovelies the handsome Mr. Jeter has dated over the years. I began to ponder what would happen if a man like him dated an average woman. When I say average, I mean average in terms of size, which in this country is a size 14 or larger. That little thought turned into a manuscript and eventually I received a publishing contract from Genesis Press in 2006. In 2007 the book was released and I was honored to receive the Romantic Times Reviewer’s Choice Award for Best African American Romance. 

I went on to publish five more titles with Genesis. Bliss Inc, The More Things Change, Waiting For Mr. Darcy, Mixed Reality and I Take This Woman. All of the books were mass-market paperbacks which are small, usually non-illustrated, and an inexpensive bookbinding format. The books usually retail for about 6.99 or 5.34 approximately when sold at Walmart. In my joy of being published and seeing my name on the bookshelves, I failed to notice the signs around all around me about my publisher. The advances paid were relatively small and meted out in three dated installments, which almost never were met on time. I didn’t want to make a fuss. After all I was lucky to have a publisher and considering the competition to get published, I felt I needed to count my blessings. 

To say that I have changed my mind is an understatement. My experience has been a costly one. I am a cancer survivor and I have been living with MS for 16 years. Yesterday, I reached a milestone. I have survived 16 years longer than my doctors thought I would when I had cancer. I well remember the days when my 30th birthday wasn’t a foregone conclusion. I am thrilled to be north of forty and will continue to pursue my career as a writer. I never expected to be Nora Roberts or Debbie Macomber but I did hope to make enough to afford having an expensive disease like MS. The costs of the injections alone are nearly four thousand dollars a month and that doesn’t include all the other medications to manage the pain and spasticity. 

I would like to use my experience as a cautionary tale. If you want to be an author and you have a manuscript be sure to have an agent who can negotiate a good contract for you and more importantly put you in line with reputable publishers. Like a lot of people I am better with others than I am when it comes to me. I will watch out for my clients like a hawk, unfortunately that left my back uncovered. 

In the midst of all of this I have discovered that I am living a tale of two novelists. The first, a hopeful author giddy with excitement about her first published fiction work. The second novelist. a bit more hardened, cautious and even worse a little more than jaded. However, I have chosen to look forward and past my experience with my previous publisher. There is still joy in creativity to be found. I am still writing my and while I ready myself for a battle. I am committed to continue to create curvy main characters for my romances. I have completed two manuscripts that I truly hope will find a home and get me back on the shelves and e-readers.

 I want to thank all the people who have emailed me to ask about my next novel. Please know that I appreciate your interest and ask you for your support as I make my case to get to another publisher. These days, it’s all about having support and I know that women are the largest group of book buyers and romance is the top selling fiction genre. So please like my page on Facebook Chamein Canton Chick Lit Wedding Romance and following me on Twitter. I’d love to keep the women with the boobs, bellies and butts in print as inspiration to feel sexy and take some risks in your love lives whether you’re single, committed or married. Believe me, you’re worth it.

Style, Romance & The Big Girl

At 12 years old I began my love affair with fashion and wedding magazines, much to my mother’s chagrin I might add. This was before the age of the celebrity cover girl when actual models appeared on the covers of magazines. Unfortunately it was before the politically correct term of plus size was used. Therefore, you were hard pressed to find a figure over a size 8, which apparently in the modeling world practically made you a heifer.

Fast forward thirty plus years and there have been many positive changes in fashion, It has become more inclusive of all sizes. I’d love to believe that they saw the light but the fact is they saw the red ink of straight sizes and the increase of black ink for designers and fashion companies that make stylish clothes for plus size women. Although we’ve come a long way there are still naysayers. According to an article published in the New York Times during Full Figured Fashion Week entitled Plus –Size Revelation: Bigger Women Have Cash, Too.

The plus-size market increased 1.4 percent while overall women’s apparel declined 0.8 percent in the 12 months leading up to April 2010 versus the same period a year earlier, the most recent figures available, according to NPD Group, a market research firm. The article goes on to say that although Americans have grown steadily heavier in the last decade, women’s plus-size clothing still makes up only 17 percent of the women’s apparel market today, according to NPD. There just is not much supply or variation in plus-size clothes for women to buy, said Marshal Cohen, chief industry analyst at NPD. And the big retailers have mostly stayed away.

Cost is one issue. Plus-size clothes are more difficult, and expensive, to make than more traditional sizes. Material can be the largest portion of a garment’s cost — up to about 60 percent — and larger sizes require not only more of it, but sometimes different production processes. “It's not just about how much fabric is required,” said Deepa Neary, a retail consultant at A.T. Kearney, a consulting firm. “You’re actually using wider bolts of fabric, and that sometimes requires special machinery to produce the garments. You often don’t get to pass that on to the consumer, so your margins are not as high as the regular-size clothing.” (New York Times June 19, 2010)

To add insult to injury, some retailers have eliminated plus sizes from their stores, choosing to only sell them online. To me it smacks of get to the back of the fashion bus. We don’t want our beautiful slim clothing to be seen with fat girl fashions. However, we are more than happy to take your money.

You might think I’m comparing apples to oranges but the price of most things have gone up including potatoes, chicken, beef and wheat to name a few. Yet, I can go to any fast food chain and still super size my fries or get a triple cheeseburger. So to say that designers and retailers are worried about the cost of producing plus size clothing sounds ludicrous. They are essentially cutting off their nose to spite their face. If McDonald’s is smart enough to keep fries on the menu, what’s your excuse, really? 

I am way out of the age demographic for Glamour magazine but I’ve been a devoted reader for so long that I pick up the latest issue when I’m at my local bookstore or passing through Penn Station.

It seems that editor in chief, Cindi Leive has figured out that plus size women have pockets with money to spend and her magazine caters to our style and search for romance. The August 2012 issue of Glamour featured an article entitled All About You, Your love life, your work life and your life life. In 1863 Alexandre Cabanel painted the famous nude Venus. Artist, Anna Utopia Giordano slimmed down the goddess of love as a commentary of modern beauty. Glamour asked men the question, slim down this girl? (referring to the original painting) the result was most said no way. They liked the voluptuous curves and sexual mystique of a woman with a real body. Glamour goes on to say that every body is some guy’s type and a whopping 76% of men would rather date a confident plus size woman than an insecure supermodel. How do you like us now, Madison Avenue?

When asked do you compare women’s bodies to the ones you see in magazines or porn? Fifty-one percent said probably subconsciously. But I remember that real women don’t have the benefit of lighting and retouching. Bravo Glamour! I can assure you that there are more than a few Amens coming from the pews. We have become a country obsessed with size. Strike that. We’re a country that’s obsessed with the size of women’s bodies.

The media ideal of what makes a woman sexy is way off the mark. Perhaps if they’d come down from their tower they would see it firsthand. Goodness knows, I’ve seen what the media ideal looks like from the ground and let’s just say it’s a good thing the camera adds ten pounds, they need it,

 This brings me to my only pet peeve with Glamour’s September issue with Posh Beckham on the cover and serving as the guest editor. Here’s a woman who I am sure is probably a lovely person, who looks like she hasn’t met a piece of food she wanted near her mouth. Even while she was pregnant, photographers were hard pressed to see the all important baby bump. She is a part of the reason so many young and older women obsess over their size. She has five kids, a sexy husband and designers can’t throw clothes at her fast enough just so she can be photographed in them on the red carpet. I am still a big fan of Glamour and I love that they’re so inclusive when it comes to size. I would dare to make a suggestion of having Amber Riley on the cover and let het be the guest editor for an issue. It’s just a thought.

On June 8, 2012 The Huffington Post ran an article entitled Eating Disorders Affecting More Midlife Women, Studies have shown the majority of those affected by an eating disorder are young women, but the number of midlife women facing the same struggle is on the rise. As Huff/Post50 recently reported, treatment centers have seen an increase in the number of middle-aged women seeking help for eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. The signs of an eating disorder signs of an eating disorder-- such as lack of menstruation or loss of bone density -- are more difficult to spot in older women than in younger women, often leaving midlife women misdiagnosed. At any age, damage to the body resulting from an eating disorder can be grave. Sarah Parker, director of anxiety and eating disorders at the Reeds Treatment Center in New York told ABC News: "There can be significant damage to the heart and heart muscles," said Parker. "In really severe cases, the heart can stop functioning. Fat stores in the brain can become depleted and affect cognitive and neurological functioning. It can also result in osteoporosis and organ failure."

More than 10 million Americans suffer from some form of an eating disorder, including anorexia, bulimia and binge eating, the National Eating Disorders Association reports. An increase of 42 percent of middle-aged women with eating disorders was seen from 2001 to 2010. Triggers of a midlife eating disorder can include the pressures of aging, relationships and personal loss.

This is one of the reasons I believe that more magazines and publishers should get on board with more curve friendly titles. Before anyone can mention it, I know all about the obesity problem in America. I believe it’s important to have a healthy diet but there is something to be said for healthy body image. Put any woman in front of a mirror and I can bet you dollars to donuts that she will find every little flaw she believes or perceives. With this kind of track record, what will happen to the next generation of girls coming up?

Former correspondent for Good Morning America Andrea Canning’s report on body image (June 11, 2011) found that a 2009 University of Central Florida study found that nearly half of the 3- to 6-year-old participants said they worried about being fat. Meanwhile, the number of eating disorder hospitalizations for kids under age 12 more than doubled between 2000 and 2006, according to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA).

 Even Project Runway got into the act when they threw designers a curve with plus size clients and new designers were in a quandary because some simply didn’t know how to deal with anything larger than a sample size. The fact is that more than 74% of women in the United States are plus size. If we were in Congress, we’d be the majority. Yet in the real world, we’re marginalized in fashion and in the media. Sure we’ve had a few rays of light, Melissa McCarthy, Queen Latifah and Loni Love but it’s not enough to constitute a sunshine filled day.

It’s time that we’re recognized as something more than just a punch line, second banana or post script to an article. It’s clear that we aren’t going anywhere. For many of us like me, I took the long and hard road to find happiness with my body, I’m a cancer survivor who has been living with MS for 16 years and to round it out I also have Celiac disease. The road to body image acceptance has been a rocky one for me but it’s one that I want to share with others through nonfiction wedding books and big chick lit romances where the big girl gets the guy, I want to see more representation in the print and film media. In the long run it will be a marriage made in heaven.