In May of 1987, I welcomed the greatest gifts, my twins Sean and Scott into the world. Sean was 5lbs 6 oz and Scott was 5lbs even. I was thrilled and completely overwhelmed. I had two babies who depended on me to take care of them and it was an awesome and daunting responsibility. I was so happy the first week in the hospital after the c-section that the nurses were there but once I took them home, I have to be honest I let my mother change their clothes because they were so little, I thought I would break them for sure.
Eventually, I got over my fear. I was their mother.In the beginning, I nursed them until I got tired of looking like Rocky Raccoon and feeling like a Seven-Eleven, open 24 hours a day. My pediatrician put them on formula and though I'd already seen a stark difference in their emerging personalities, the change to formula put a spotlight on it.
Sean was an Enfamil baby. He didn't like pacifiers, preferred Evenflow bottles and was a night owl while Scott was on Isomil, loved pacifiers, Playtex bottles and could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. The different as night and day theme continued as they grew up. In band, Scott played percussion. He was and still is a master of the drums. Sean played the low woodwind instruments, clarinet, bass clarinet, tenor sax and the piano, all much quieter instruments in keeping with his more low key personality.
I won't got into the details of their childhood and the fun I had in their teen years, as they may not appreciate the sharing of that information. However, I will say that now that they are adults, being a parent has become more challenging. I know there are many other parents who are pacing the floors at night with a restless baby or staying up waiting for a teen to return from a party who believe that they are facing the most difficulty and stress. But believe it or not, you actually have it easier. It sounds crazy but it's true.
As we grow with our children, the relationship changes. I now have an adult relationship with my sons. That is not to say that I am my sons' friend. I'm not. I am their mother. They have plenty of friends, they have one mother. Navigating the relationship is tricky to say the least because at one time I was their decision maker. Now I have to step back and watch as they make decisions, good, bad or indifferent, while resisting my instinct to swoop in and solve the problem or take care of a situation they've gotten themselves into. It's something I struggle with. It probably doesn't help that their grandparents will question me about their decisions and what they are or aren't doing.
My parents were born in the early forties and I am a part of Generation X. The things my children had and still have access to weren't around when I was growing up. My children's generation didn't use the Dewey Decimal System to write book reports or research papers at the library, all they had to do was an online search on the computer at home or school. They were allowed to bring a calculator to take the SAT test. My calculator was that yellow scratch paper that the test monitor collected when I finished and somehow even with my deep seated hatred of math I scored around 1100 plus. Things were different for them. Technology both helped and harmed their generation in many ways. There is a sense of entitlement in Generation Y/ Millennial that's not present in previous generations and Generation X parents have to take some of the blame for this. Our parents were so tough on us, that a number of us decided to be the complete opposite and gave our children things we didn't have. So in a sense we've handicapped them and they're unprepared for the realities of life, resulting in what I call the revolving door.
The revolving door is the adult/child door. One minute they go through the adult door because they are old enough to make their own decisions. The next minute it's the child door when they need your help, usually financially to get out of a jam they put themselves in. That's why it's such an uphill battle. No one wants their child to suffer but how many times can you ride to the rescue before you become the permanent fall back?
I realize how lucky I am to have two great sons who really haven't given me much in the way of trouble. I just want them to enjoy their lives and be successful. They're both smart and talented. As I told my son Sean yesterday, he can't be a spectator when it comes to his life. He has to be out on the field and up at the plate taking swings, baseball is his favorite sport so it was the most fitting analogy I could use for him. He knows that no matter what he chooses to do that I will be there cheering him on and the same goes for his brother Scott. Twins are quite interesting to raise to say the least, that's why I quit while I was ahead. I was batting 1000 when I got this two for one.
I will say that I take my hat off to anyone who has more than two children. I don't know how they do it. Although when it comes to the Duggar family, I take my hat off to scratch my head. They are having their 25th child? Either they really love children or they're just plain crazy. I tend to believe the latter.
I look at it this way. We have seven holes in our head that all serve a purpose, two eyes, two ears, a nostril with 2 sides and a mouth. While adding another hole might sound like a good idea, it isn't. Seven is enough. So 24 is way more than enough children. But to each his or her own. Hope they don't wind up like Kate and her eight if or when the television spotlight and object fascination of the public at large goes away.. Good luck to them.
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