Love and Loss Isn’t a Black or White Issue It’s a family issue

At Christmas time, people are preoccupied with, shopping, wrapping gifts and planning holiday parties. Regardless of race, there are many families with one or two less gifts to buy or places to set on the table.

                In the last year, we’ve seen families in anguish over the senseless loss of their sons, fathers and brothers. Treyvon Martin, Michael Brown, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner’s names have been heard all over the country. Yet no one stops to think about what their families will have to endure long after the cameras and media focus dies down and they are left with their grief.

                This isn’t a political issue. It’s a human issue. The number of unarmed boys and men lose their lives on the streets on America is appalling, we shouldn’t forget the parents, families and communities that lost children in Newtown. Death is inevitable, but no parent should be subjected to the pain of losing a child at the hands of another. As a mother, it breaks my heart. All hopes and dreams dashed in a matter of minutes.

                When loved ones die violently, people are forced to figure out how to soldier on. This includes military families whose sons, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands and mothers gave their lives in Fallujah, Iraq, and Afghanistan for our freedom here in the US. Whether it was the beach at Normandy or Desert Storm,  the military protected us as Americans, regardless of race or ethnicity. 

               When it comes to family love, we should remember families are made up of people who over the years, blended traits through marriage and children, which makes each unique. I'm sure the Browns, Garners, Martins, Dillon and Rice families made plans to share a warm holiday with loved ones, only to have their plans slip through their fingers like sand.  Leaving them to pick out a headstone instead of a Christmas tree and shop for presents.

              

  There’s been much talk about the police officers involved in these deaths,  we can’t allow the actions of a few lead overshadow countless good police officers. Using broad strokes to define a race or law enforcement is how we wound up down Alice's rabbit hole. Our focus should be laser like to implement teaching programs for officers to better safeguard the community and themselves without the use of military grade equipment or super guns on the mean streets of New Hampshire and other states. 

More importantly, it’s time for a real discussion about race relations and respect.  This conversation requires the actions of both sides of the issue. There should be a seat at the table for everyone and an opportunity to voice opinions and concerns without fear of retribution. 

                Dr. Phil often says you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. I believe that to be a correct statement. To put a finer point on the issue, it's absolutely essential if we hope to live happy, peaceful lives with extra stockings, gifts and place settings for all our loved ones whom we hold dear during the holidays and many days,weeks, months and years after.  

 I am hopeful America is ready to live up to the preamble of the Declaration of Independence, which states: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

It's February and it's all about love

                February may be the shortest month of the year, but it packs a lot into a mere 28 or 29 (Leap Year) days with Black History Month and Valentine’s Day.

                Yet, love is more than flowers, chocolates, cards and jewelry. Love has played a role in moving society forward. Love for freedom led America’s First Continental Congress to come together to fight for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as a sovereign nation. Freedom and love for their fellow men moved abolitionists to action to rid the land of slavery.

                Generations of slaves, whether separated from their families or not, continued to show love and faith under unbearable conditions. Even as echoes of The Middle Passage and life on plantations and in the fields of cotton reverberated, slaves lifted their voices in songs of faith and love to keep going. It’s found in the lyrics of many spirituals like Jacob’s Ladder.

                The Civil War tested the love of the Union as the brothers took up arms against each other in the bloodiest war ever fought on our soil. Again, we find echoes of love letters from soldiers to their families, wives and sweethearts on the Confederate and Union side. While committed to the fight, their longing to get back to the people they held dear was palpable. Although there was a measure of uncertainty when the war ended as to how the Confederate (rebels) would be treated, there was no indication that Lincoln planned to make them suffer. Unfortunately an assassin’s bullet made sure we’d never know,

                In the years followed, our country has experienced wartime. World War I and II tested our love for our nation as we partnered with our allies against tyranny across the Globe. Then there was the invisible war in America that was a part of the long journey for Civil Rights for African Americans, many of whom lived in the Jim Crow south and dealt with the indignity of second class citizen treatment. The Civil Rights Movement shined the light on injustice peacefully in the face of outright brutality.  Keep Your Eyes on the Prize has transcended Civil Rights to include women and the LGBT community.

                When President Obama gave his State of the Union Address, he did so in a somewhat lighthearted yet serious manner. He addressed issues that concern everyone regardless of race; extending unemployment benefits, raising the minimum wage, healthcare, jobs and taking care of veterans and wounded soldiers. In an odd way, it’s a Valentine to the American people to let us know that our love for this country is reciprocal.

                Think about that when you order flowers, pick up a card, get a gift or make a reservation for a romantic dinner remember the words of Lennon and McCartney, All You Need Is Love. Love is all you need for everyone.

Use Romance Novels to live and love your best life

Romance novels are often the butt of many literary jokes. However, romance gets to laugh all the way to the bank as it is the most popular fiction genre. Others may blame these novels for setting unrealistic expectations for love, romance and relationships.

Although I've written my share of romance novels, I beg to differ. I write romances for real every day women be they single, divorced, mothers in a relationship, married or looking for their soul mate. Eventually, I get to the boy meets girl angle but I begin with the main characters. 

In Not His Type, The More Things Change, Mixed Reality and Mulligans Match, the characters go through a process to love themselves  look at themselves through the loving eyes others do. In Bliss Inc, Waiting for Mr. Darcy, I Take This Woman and North of Forty, the main characters are confident women from the outset. However, they are cautious when it comes to love. Perhaps a little too cautious. The lesson is to take a leap of faith for love with the possibility of a few scrapes along the way but the scrapes are survivable and the leap worth it to find love that will thrive.

The common factor in my novels is I feature curvy main characters due to the lack of representation in most romances. Usually curvy characters are the funny second bananas or best friend who encourages the typical romantic heroine (thin, raven haired with a tiny waist) in her pursuit of "the one". I'm generalizing as there are many romance genres within romance. I'm referring to the ones on the bookstore shelves for romance when I was in high school.

Thankfully romance has expanded to encompass all tastes. I don't want romance readers to feel they can't read one of my books as I represent the curvy niche. I'm about love from the inside out and believe it or not there are some women who are size 8 and below with body issues. The fact is one can't truly love until they love the person looking back at them in the mirror. Once you do that's when real love and romance happens. So tell the guys romance writers are doing them a solid. There is nothing sexier than a confident woman and if she's on your arm all the better.

I write romance to get a spark. What happens next is up to the reader. It's more than possible you'll be on the road to live and love fully knowing the best is around every corner. 


 You can check out the books here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_14/175-3602793-4754514?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=chamein%20canton%20kindle&sprefix=chamein+canton%2Cdigital-text%2C191

Happy reading!

Twerk On/Twerk Off

Twerk On/Twerk Off

 

I was 12 when I began reading Glamour magazine. Now that I’m north of forty, I pick up a copy when the cover model is thirty and up. Thankfully Editor-in- Chief, Cindi Lieve has had a number of cover models who are or very near my age.
 

The January issue featured 20. Major Don’t: The Pornification of Everything by actress and writer, Rashida Jones who after spending time catching up on videos, Instagram and blogs with her sisters noticed the prevailing theme of twerking, stripper poles, G-strings and boobs wasn’t being pushed by people trying to get noticed but the already established mainstream stars. Leading her to say making your private parts public is now cool and expected. Ms. Jones said she didn’t get the memo and she’s not alone. I didn't either,
 

It was during the halftime performance of the Thanksgiving Day football game with the Detroit Lions when a 21 year-old Selena Gomez performed in a skimpy outfit in what had to be cold temperatures. To clarify, she wasn’t half naked but her outfit was more suited for the beach than Detroit, Michigan in November. Some may think we’re jealous because we’re older women now but let me tell you from the time I was 16 to 23 to put it in today’s terms I was hot in a pair of jeans and a shirt. I didn’t have to put my boobs on parade. I also had parents to make sure all my seams, hems, zippers and buttons were in place.
 

Like Ms. Jones, I am not a prude when it comes to sex. Although, I’m a mother to twin twenty-something sons, I’m comfortable with sexuality and have no problems discussing it in a frank, open manner. Although I am pretty sure my sons would prefer if I’d use a filter. I love my sons but not going to happen.
 

I’m older than Ms. Jones but I remember when Duran Duran’s Girl’s on Film video was too racy for MTV. By today’s standards it might as well be Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Topless models with flesh colored G-strings, naked girls riding construction equipment, grabbing one’s vagina for a video or concert (makes me feel bad for all the hell the late Michael Jackson went through) is the norm. While everyone talks about the initial act it only lasts a minute. Why else would these artists be in such a hurry to put out another even more revealing video out? Chris Rock said it best “Here today. Gone today.”

I’m from Generation X which places me in the midst of the women’s movement and feminism. Gloria founded Ms. Magazine and Bella Abzug fought for women’s rights, equality in workplace, equal pay for equal work and the right to make decisions about our bodies. In a way all this gyrating, grinding and pasties is a step forward in owning sexuality. Conversely, it runs the risk of defining us by our sexuality as well even though we have the right to express it. In the movie The Accused, Jodie Foster portrayed Sarah Tobias a hard partying girl who is gang raped by three men and instead of putting the rapists on trial, Sarah’s character and past as a party girl is put on trial in an attempt to make her responsible for her rape. Granted it was a movie but it was based on a real life case.
I want to shake some of these women and tell them their actions have consequences as there is a whole generation of young girls looking to them as role models. Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez are from the Disney family. I imagine they are trying to break free of the Mickey Mouse image now that they’re adults and I get it. I hate to tell you but those same girls who watched you on the Disney channel are still watching and taking it all in.

While I could continue to point fingers at the pop stars, I have to call parents on the carpet too. They have a responsibility to monitor what their daughters watch and to be a role model for them everyday at home. As easy as it is to  blame Nikki Minaj, Rihanna, Miley, Selena and Kim Khardashian, parents can’t abdicate their role to slow the growing pornification of everything in their homes. Watch the little dancing/gyrating vignettes in between Disney shows then remember that Ed Sullivan could only show Elvis from the waist up on his variety show. As a parent. I feel for you. Our children believe we were born fully formed from the head of Zeus and were never teenagers.  We couldn't possibly imagine what it's like if you're not emulating the latest pop star du jour. I remember when my best friend and I wanted to imitate Madonna's eighties look. Our parents collectively said no. We had to live with not being cool then but it's great not having photos our children can blackmail us with now. Stick to your guns. I know it isn't easy and they'll hate you forever ( approximately a week last I checked) I promise. Everyone will live.

However when she addressed pop stars, Ms. Jones urged them to stop saying they don’t want to be role models because they are. I believe as the daughter of Quincy Jones, she knows what she's talking about. Many pop and reality stars have clothing lines, perfumes and other products they promote on television and on the racks at Kmart, Walmart and Sears. Obviously teens don't have discretionary income. Therefore they are after mom and dad's money, which means they have to accept everything that comes with it beyond dollars and cents.
 

Like Ms. Jones, I'm expressing and opinion and not the gospel. You have the right to do and say what you want. Nevertheless, I'm afraid we are getting awfully close to shouting "Fire!" in a crowded theater.