The Olympics- A Lesson in Unity for the United States

Like millions of people around the world, I enjoy watching the Olympics. While I may not watch every event, I am still awed by the pageantry and the astonishing abilities of the athletes who are chosen to represent their countries.

 When I was younger, I never gave the symbols of the Olympics much thought. I was caught up in the competition as I rooted our American athletes on from the comfort of my living room. I believed the games were about athletic excellence and winning medals. Now that I’m north of forty, I know the true meaning of the games is indeed unity.

As Americans we like to say there’s no “I” in team but while we impress this upon our athletes, we don’t impress it upon our politicians. In the Declaration of Independence our founders said "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” The founders recognized that although we were a nation of individuals, we were a united nation.

This is taken a step further by our Pledge of Allegiance, which says in part,: "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

The word, indivisible jumps off the page, as it means not divisible; unable to be divided or separated. Currently the state of our nation is anything but inseparable. One of the great aspects of America has been our willingness to engage in thoughtful political debates. Although many had (and still have) opposing political views, we remained dignified and respectful of the political process.

Now we have dissolved into a nation of political pit bulls engaged in a national dog fight over everything from gay marriage, health care and taxes to who are real Americans and where the real Americans live. Then there is the great economic divide of the haves, the have nots and the have plenty but still want mores. It seems the politicians, media and super rich are there to throw one piece of meat into the ring for the rest of us to fight over so we don’t notice that there’s plenty of meat outside of the ring. I am aware that I’m over simplifying it but there aren’t enough hours in the day to break it down. I suspect that the tone of political discourse in this country has led many people to vote for the next American Idol en masse instead of heading to the polls to vote for issues and candidates that will actually affect their lives. It’s one of the reasons I believe the Olympics are important.

Though great tragedies like 9/11, Hurricane Katrina and the shootings in Aurora, Colorado have both united and brought out the best in many people, the Olympics allows us to unite as a nation to bask in the pride of sending our best athletes onto the field of play to represent the best of us with tears of joy, not tears of sorrow. We’re also reminded our best goes far beyond the participants. They are supported by mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands, wives, daughters and sons who sacrifice so they can achieve their goal of Olympic glory. All Americans can relate to this sacrifice as every generation has done the same so that the next will do a little better. It’s the basis of the American dream. Regardless of whether you’re a Democrat or Republican, my deepest hope is that we take time to hit the reset button and concentrate on the real issues that affect all of us, which in essence haven’t changed since the Declaration of Independence was written. All and not some of us have the right to live our lives, the freedom to choose how we live and to pursue happiness.

Big Love: Damn the Spanx! Full Speed Ahead into Your Future.

On the surface dating and relationships should be the same for everyone across the board but it isn’t. Thin women reign supreme when it comes to the definition of beauty in this country. There isn’t a week when you don’t see a picture of Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie or Kim Khardashian on the cover of any given tabloid. Moreover if you flip through the pages you will see even more women who meet the thin standard of beauty. Sure there is a lot of talk about curves but if you’re one of the 74% of women in the United States who are considered full figured (size 12, 14 and up) you are usually hard pressed to see what curves they are referring to. Anyone have a magnifying glass?

What’s most interesting is many of these women have the same dating, relationship and marriage problems that plague the rest of us mere mortals. The truth is Brad and Jennifer, Katie and Tom, and Halle and Gabriel couldn’t make it work. That leads me to think what’s size got to do with it? Apparently while nothing tastes as good as being thin feels, it does not guarantee happily ever after.

If you’re a plus size woman, you might have given up hope on finding that special someone to spend your life with. I’m here to tell you there is hope and it starts in the mirror and not on the scale. I am living proof of that. I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy who loves me for me. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. I’ve already picked out my engagement ring and all that’s left is to set a date.

I know that confidence made the difference for me. I used to sit at home upset over my size. That’s when I decided that I was tired of being sorry for my size. I’ve .survived cancer, raised twin sons alone and I’m living with MS. One of the benefits of being north of forty is the wisdom and confidence that comes with knowing who you are. I discovered my voice for curvy romance novels. I’ve written six including Not His Type. I have two others, Mulligan’s Match and North of Forty that are just waiting for the right publisher. My goal is to use my curvy confident characters to inspire women to get out there and get the relationship they want. In other words, Damn the Spanx! Full Speed Ahead into Your Future.

All of this is much easier said than done. However, nothing will happen if you don’t take the first step toward finding the right person for you. All you have to do is remember a few things:

• Confidence is sexy. Ne Ne Leakes’ tag line might be over the top but it works. When I walk into a room, I own it!
• Don’t settle for anything less then what you want. Guys can smell desperation a mile away.
• Remember you can be sexy. However, there is no need to let the girls hang out to get attention. A little cleavage goes a long way.
• Don’t be too influenced by magazines that tell you how to drop two sizes in a month. It’s important to eat right and exercise but no one wants to have dinner with a nutritional mathematician
• Full figured doesn’t mean full speed ahead to the bedroom. You might wear a size 14 plus but you don’t have to slip out of it right away.

Dating and finding love isn’t easy but nothing worth having is. Don’t let the scale or tag number rule your love life. If it takes a little fashion help, visit my friends, The Curvy Stylist, Daily Venus Divas and Plus Model for tips and inspiration online and on Twitter If you need t pump up your romantic Mojo, my romance novels are just a click away for your e-reader or head to the bookstore. Your Cinderella story could be right around the corner..   

Bravo! It’s hip to be round. Finally!

* My blog caveat -Due to my condition (MS), I don’t type and must rely on the kindness of strangers to take my dictation and turn it into a blog post. Therefore, if you are offended by any mistakes (grammatical errors) my apologies.

Remember David Bowie’s song Fashion? Whether you turn left or right fashion is all around us. If you are like me, you enjoy flipping through the pages of your favorite fashion magazines and are likely a Project Runway devotee too.

However, the one thing that I have noticed is that models do seem to be getting thinner by the minute. A few years ago, I went to Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in September to check out the latest from my favorite designers. As I walked around, I was shocked at how thin the models were in person. You know how they say the camera adds 10 pounds. Well my friends these ladies need it. As they sauntered out onto the runway, they looked like ghouls decked out in the finest couture. If only it was Halloween time.

For many years, I’ve had the privilege of knowing wonderful women who have devoted their lives to changing the way the world looks at plus size women. Valery Amador, the founder and driving force behind Venus Divas. Gwen DeVoe who founded a modeling school for plus size models and one of the organizers of Full Figured Fashion Week and Madeline Figueroa Jones, Editor in Chief of Plus Model magazine.

When Maddy posted the photos of today’s average size model to a plus size model together, the image was striking and unsettling. The difference between fashion models and real size women has grown from eight percent to twenty-three percent. To think that the supermodels of the past would be considered plus models at a size four today is astounding. What’s more unsettling is this is what many young women are aspiring to emulate if they want to get into modeling.

Though the women I’m talking about are all about empowerment and acceptance, they haven’t left health out of the picture. While it’s important to feel good about you, the most important thing is to take care of what’s on the inside as well. Contrary to popular belief, plus size women are not stretched out on sofas devouring cake, rack of baby back ribs and gallons of ice cream. Most are women seeking to balance a life that includes family, work, relationships and we’d like to look effortlessly stylish while doing it.

Thankfully we have curvy fashionistas online like Sheri Collins, The Curvy Stylist whose blog www.everybodywearsshoes.com follows fashion trends as well as providing you with tips on how you can make it work from your closet. Stephanie Danforth, who heads up Venus Divas Daily, gives us up to the minute content from fashion to relationships. There are countless others that can be found on Twitter and Facebook. You don’t have to look far to find inspiration.

Ultimately, I hope Maddy’s post and interview on ABC World News shines more attention on the issues real size women face and what we are possibly doing to young girls who are growing up with these images. I applaud her for having the courage to post the photos and now I think it’s up to us to make sure we keep shining the light on the issue. Yes ladies, it’s hip to be round.

Life North of Forty Plus. Do we have what it takes to be the next greatest generation?

* My blog caveat -Due to my condition (MS), I don’t type and must rely on the kindness of strangers to take my dictation and turn it into a blog post. Therefore, if you are offended by any mistakes (grammatical errors), my apologies..

As the New Year began, I reflected on all the New Year’s celebrations of old. I am a bit of a history geek and this week I stumbled upon an online collection of photos found in a PA mine. There was a photo of an Italian woman and her family when they arrived on Ellis Island in 1905 and another of Flappers at a soda fountain drinking milkshakes on Feb. 10, 1926. The two photos couldn’t have been more different. Yet they had one thing in common, a sense of hope for the future.

"The Greatest Generation" consists of people born in 1914-1924 after World War I.  They grew up in the United States during the deprivation of the Great Depression, and then went on to fight in World War II.  The term, The Greatest Generation, was the title of Tom Brokaw’s 1998 book. Mr. Brokaw felt the term was deserved as the men and women of that time didn’t fight for fame or glory, they did so because it was the right thing to do and it was that attitude that made America into a superpower.

When FDR delivered his Democratic presidential nomination acceptance speech in 1932 he said, "I pledge you, I pledge myself, to a new deal for the American people." The New Deal was going to use government as form of organized self help for all people regardless of class or status across the country. For the first time, every American had a shot at achieving the American dream of success with no birthright required.

Just a short twenty-nine years later, JFK stated in his 1961 inaugural address, “And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.   My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.   Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.”

Now that 2012 is here, I can see that so much has changed. We are a country divided into red and blue states. We’re also a country where the wealthiest 1% of the country has more say than the remaining 99% of the country. We have allowed personal politics and beliefs to outweigh what is best for the (whole) country.

The last four years have been some of the toughest we’ve faced on the whole. At one point we teetered on the precipice of a financial disaster just a few hairs short of being a full blown Depression. Decisions had to be made for the good of the country, despite the fact that we were required to help bail out the very people who pushed us to the edge of the cliff.

We can debate the merits and drawbacks of the bail out until the cows come home. My question is, when are we going to put politics aside and start working toward a recovery together? “The Greatest Generation” had their differences which included class distinctions, gender bias and racial segregation. Yet they united to fight for democracy and a way of life for them, their children and countless generations to come.

The way of life they fought for has come to include programs like Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, without which many seniors and permanently disabled people would not have survived the last four years. Some call it socialism. I call it taking care of our own. The Great Depression brought the point home as the elderly, disabled and able bodied stood on bread lines together. Now the elderly and disabled have a safety net in Social Security. My grandfather and parents have benefitted from the program they paid into during these, their silver and golden years. Moreover, with Unemployment benefits, people who’ve been laid off have a source of income while they are looking for work. It’s not a lot of money but it beats nothing.

The system is by no means perfect. Despite regulations there are dishonest people who have played the system for all it’s worth until they were caught. The problem is these are the people who make it harder for honest people who now have to jump through more hoops to get help.

Speaking of hoops, the same applies to the practices of financial institutions, which went unchecked for decades and made billions of dollars until the proverbial chickens came home to roost and set off a domino effect felt from Main Street to the most distant parts of the globe. People lost their homes, once impenetrable financial stalwarts fell and global markets tanked. Here in America it led to an extreme radical outburst instead of a measured rational response. I don’t know about anyone else but if there’s a fire, I’d rather have trained first responders than the Keystone Cops show up to put it out.

Yet somehow the real victims, average everyday people and small businesses didn’t get the same treatment when they needed help to get back on track. What particularly struck me was a recent article about the upcoming South Carolina Republican Primary in which it stated that small business owners might be a little more tolerant of a candidate who made his fortune dismantling companies and putting people out of work.

In case you haven’t figured it out. I’m a New Yorker. However, my mother was born in South Carolina. As a child, I remember visiting her home town of North, South Carolina. It was the closest thing I’d ever seen to Mayberry. There were little shops, candy stores and an ice cream shop that had the best black walnut ice cream I have ever tasted. It was classic Americana.

Fast forward thirty-seven years and this once vibrant place was a ghost town. Gone were all the mom and pop establishments. There was a gas station, Subway and a Piggly Wiggly supermarket. In order to get groceries, we had to travel fifty-two miles round trip to get to Walmart. What was more depressing was the knowledge that North isn’t an isolated case. There are ghost towns all across the country as the real back bone of our economy, small businesses, aren’t able to compete with Goliaths like Walmart.

What truly amazes me is America fiddles while Rome burns. When are we going to turn off the Real Housewives of whatever, The Jersey Shore, Basketball Wives, and Mob Wives just to name a few and pick up something other than In Touch, US Weekly, People and OK magazine to see what’s happening around us? It’s time to get involved in turning our country around and stop following the latest Twitter war. Perhaps then we will stand a chance to raise ourselves and our children to the level of the next Greatest Generation. It’s time to pick up a newspaper and read what the issues are instead of listening to a two minute sound bite (from the left or right) and call ourselves informed. The economy and jobs and the presidential election should be trending on Yahoo instead of the Khardashians or Kobe Bryant’s divorce.

Don’t misunderstand; I have nothing against entertainment or celebrities. They have their place. During the Depression entertainment served as a way to escape the problems of the world for a little while and then people got back to reality. I believe it’s time we stop anesthetizing ourselves and get involved in things that matter and not the latest cat fight, beer brawl, celebrity wedding and divorce. Somehow, I can’t picture Walter Cronkite delivering the news about a celebrity divorce or a baby bump watch. Now I can find out just as much about Hollywood and reality stars on the evening news as I did on Entertainment Tonight. What does that say about us?

In the end, I am hopeful that in the midst of the many New Year resolutions made that a few of us will resolve to get engaged in the business of getting our country back on its feet. One day, I’d like my grandchildren to say that I was a part of the second coming of The Greatest Generation. Don’t you?

Women's Magazines; Is Anyone Listening?

Again I’d like to take the time offer this caveat. Due to my condition (MS), I don’t type and must rely on the kindness of strangers to take my dictation and turn it into a blog post. Therefore, if you are offended by any mistakes, I apologize.

Women’s magazines have long been a staple in publishing. However, as technology has evolved the state of publishing has changed. We can now get our favorite magazines digitally and most magazines have an online presence. For those of us who still like the tactile pleasure of flipping through the pages of an actual magazine, paper copies are still available.

One of the most appealing things is accessibility to the editors, staff writers and contributors for each magazine. Gone are the days of letters to the editors sent via snail mail. We can email and Tweet our thoughts, comments and suggestions directly to the magazine. The question is if they really want to hear what readers think.

Even with declining circulation numbers for some magazines, I realize that editors cannot be expected to answer every email. If they did, I don’t believe they’d have time to devote to content. Nevertheless, an inclusive magazine is more likely to retain and even gain more readers, recession or not. According to The Press Gazette, total circulation (including free titles) in the women’s lifestyle/fashion sector rose 1.3 per cent to 6.8m in the first half of 2011, according to ABC figures released in August 2011. I feel that the magazines with better overall figures were the ones that actually listened to the consumer. Those that didn’t saw their numbers fall.

I, like many other readers have emailed editors regarding specific articles. We aren’t trying to get a job or pitch a freelance article. Instead we wrote to share our opinions. More often than not, the messages were deleted without being read. It was a cyber slap in the face. Despite being a women’s lifestyle/fashion magazine, we were dismissed with a simple click of the delete button.

Women are the busiest people on the planet. We are working mothers, entrepreneurs, caregivers, wives, partners, sisters and daughters. Nearly every woman I know has so much going on, they need two plates to handle the overflow. Therefore, if we take the time to write, we aren’t doing so because we have nothing better to do.

We might not be A-list actresses, models, beauty moguls, fashion designers or the like. Nevertheless that doesn’t mean we don’t have something to add to the conversation. Sure, we like to read about celebrities but if I see another article about how an A-list star is juggling motherhood, getting her pre-baby body back and still finding time to walk the red carpet looking smashing, I am going to scream. The fact is their reality is a long way from most working mothers’ it isn’t funny. If you’re a mom with children under 12 the bathroom is practically your only sanctuary. and you don’t have the luxury of bringing an au pair or nanny to work with you.

Then there are the magazines for the north of forty readers.  I believe their overall goal is noble. They want us to know that forty isn’t fatal and we’re still vital, which is great. However, if they are trying to make us feel better with articles about women who are running marathons, running nonprofits, volunteering with orphans in Africa and  to top it all off, they’re doing it all while keeping a twenty something looking physique, I think they are missing the mark.

Frankly, I’m not sure whether it’s a case of magazines offices are so high up that  objects appear smaller than they really are or not. But the truth is more women over forty are fighting the middle age spread and don’t have the time to work out several times a week. It’s not that I don’t appreciate reading something inspirational but I’d like to see a few real women thrown in the mix for good measure.

What I am suggesting is that before you hit that delete button and send us into cyber purgatory, you might want to read what we have to say. You never know if an ordinary looking oyster may have a pearl in it.  Just something to think about.

The Revolution for Real Women

First I’d like to take the time offer this caveat. Due to my condition (MS), I don’t type and must rely on the kindness of strangers to take my dictation and turn it into a blog post. Therefore, if you are offended by any mistakes, I apologize.

January is the month when everyone is committed to making changes in their lives. These changes usually involve some sort of diet program. Though I have already expressed how I feel about these types of resolutions, I was compelled to write about it again as one of ABC’s most beloved soap operas, “One Life to Live, shuts down production in favor of The Revolution.

According to the show’s description, The Revolution is an uplifting, inspiring, and groundbreaking new daily show about health and lifestyle transformations co-hosted by a stellar team of experts who will help viewers with complete transformations in all areas of their lives. It focuses on improving your physical and emotional well-being, fashion, family, home design, personal finance, food, jobs and more. In addition to being a motivating and interactive resource for viewers at home, the show features a unique concept: each week one woman's five-month weight loss journey will unfold in just five days with daily results and a final transformation reveal on Friday.

It sort of adds another dimension to the saying, “the revolution will be televised”.

Illness isn't picky, I know a number of people who are living with chronic conditions that are outside of their control. Sickness doesn’t care if you work out  5 days a week or twice a month.  However, diet and exercise has shown to help with conditions like Type 2 diabetes, hypertension and heart disease.

To be honest, I am impressed that The Revolution promises to go one step further than just national weigh ins, They are focusing on the whole person. Nevertheless, once the team leaves and the cameras stop rolling, the participants are left to deal with the reality of their day to day life without Tim Gunn giving them daily fashion advice.

The struggle to build self esteem is one women of all sizes can relate to, Even a woman who wears a size 4 has her ugly days like anyone else. Nevertheless what most concerns me is the focus on getting into perfect shape. The truth is a 5’10 woman shouldn’t weigh 115 pounds. Conversely, a 5’3 woman shouldn’t weigh 250 pounds. The bottom line is neither are healthy numbers.

For me, the jury is still out on how I feel about these programs. The fact that Jessica Simpson has already inked a deal with Weight Watchers to lose weight after she gives birth speaks volumes to how obsessed this country is with being thin. Now that Beyonce had her baby it’s only a matter of time before they start the baby weight loss clock, Is it any wonder that mature women are becoming more susceptible to eating disorders?  In this world we want everything quick, fast and in a hurry, Somehow, we forgot  that it took nine months to gain the weight/ Therefore,   nine weeks to take it off might be a little unrealistic

The real revolution begins with self examination. I don’t mean standing in front of a mirror focusing your attention on all of your negatives. I am talking about soul searching and discovering what you like about yourself from the inside out. With nearly 70% of women in the United States considered plus size, it’s time we take ownership of the description rather than letting ourselves being defined by it. Whatever limitations we have are usually of our own making.

Here’s what I’m suggesting, the next time you head out with your skinny friends, don’t be the coat rack or purse watcher. Get on the dance floor. Instead of looking at the handsome man at the bar, introduce yourself and strike up a conversation. If he’s not interested in you as any more than a friend than that’s his loss Keep it light and move right along.

I think it’s time that curvy women revolutionize their lives,  Your personal revolution may not be televised but it’s just as important and life affirming, So let’s hop on the train ladies. The next stop is self confidence.     

Add A New Twist To the Same Old New Year's Resolutions

Now that the Christmas presents have been opened and the sojourn to return some of the presents that missed the mark begins at your local mall, it’s time to talk about the coming year.

Now that I’m north of forty plus, I have made more than my share of resolutions, most of which involved losing weight. In fact losing weight is the most common resolution made by the majority of people, regardless of age. To be frank, how could it not considering the number of weight loss ads that flood the airwaves just after Christmas.

Celebrities from Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Fischer, Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond and Janet Jackson are all weight loss success stories as a result of their chosen program. Now we can add Charles Barkley to the list, who as an active basketball player in the NBA refused to be a role model when he played basketball, he’s signed on to be a role model for men via Weight Watchers.

I know that we’ve heard it all before. It’s not about losing weight to look better, it’s about getting healthy. Nevertheless the subliminal message is that thinner people are happier and more successful. However, I’ve learned that if you’re not happy with who you are as a person, there isn’t a diet program, plastic surgeon or bariatric surgeon that can help. For that you need to look inward and not outward. Improve the package all you like but if you don’t deal with what the underlying problem is, you might as well be a white washed grave and all of us know what they contain.

Now I am going to suggest something radical, make a New Year’s resolution to gain more of the truly important things in your life. Strive to gain more minutes, hours, days, months and years with the people you love. Add more positive daily affirmations into your life and stop finding fault with every little body imperfection (real or perceived).

This country is way to focused on whether or not you can wear a D & G sample size than anything else. I enjoy Fashion Police as much as the next person but if I hear Joan Rivers refer to another curvy celebrity as heavy, I’m going to scream. I realize she’s old school and that’s the way her generation talks but as long as she is on television in the Millennium, curvy women have fashionable choices to wear on the red carpet and a lot of them look better than their thinner counterparts.So Ms. Rivers, if you're not referring to a boxing match or a grand piano quit using the word heavy.

Naturally I understand that as a nation we need to do more to be healthy. I believe you should eat right, get plenty of rest and exercise. I just don’t see the need to be in the gym four hours a day with a personal trainer. In fact most of us in the real world are lucky if we can get to the gym twice a week as our paydays are far less lucrative than those in Hollywood and Beverly Hills.

That’s why I say ditch the scale and start working from the inside out. Once our deep seated feelings are addressed the rest is a piece of cake (no pun intended). The confidence you’ll gain along will go a long way toward lightening your step and your heart, which will ultimately make you more attractive regardless of your size. That’s something you can’t get from a toll free number, one on one consultation or group meeting.